1. Remember to put the kids first. Even though you are missing them do not put your distress ahead of their enjoyment. Encourage them to look forward to the next time they are with you.

2. Try and negotiate with your former partner at least a phone call with your children on Christmas Day so they know you are thinking about them and sharing their excitement.

3. Try and agree with your former partner that it is fair for the children to have Christmas Day with each of you on alternate years or just give them another Christmas on another date. They will love it.

4. If you do have them this year do not go overboard on arrangements. Think ahead. What will they enjoy rather than what is expensive. It is time together that counts in the long run.

5. Do not compete on presents with your former partner. Overspending will create friction especially if money is short for both of you. When you have limited time with your children it is often tempting to try and compensate by extravagant gestures. Don’t. Good cheer now will pay off in the New Year.

6. Keep in mind that your children will remember the time they have with you. Don’t worry that they don’t give you a second thought when they’re not with you. That’s what kids are like.

7. If you don’t have any contact with your kids at all, sit down and write them an upbeat letter. Even if you never send it’ll be your time with them this year.

8. Don’t let yourself get miserable or lonely at home. Make sure you see friends or think about volunteering with some of the organisations that look after others at Christmas.