Supporting Parents Going Through Formal Contact Sessions or Moving on from them 

About Contact Centres:

• A Child Contact Centre is a safe, friendly and neutral place where children of separated families can spend time with one or both parents and sometimes other family members. They are child-centred environments that provide toys, games and facilities that reflect the diverse needs of children affected by family breakdown.
• A Child Contact Centre is independent of the Courts, Social Services or any statutory agency.
• (Contact Centres can also provide handovers so that parents don’t have to meet (including for informal contact), and can receive and  forward items for indirect contact where the address of the child is not yet to be shared with the parent)

Referals:

• Visits are normally by referral, although some Centres accept self-referrals. The referral can be made by a social worker, solicitor, family mediator, CAFCASS (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) officer or by Court Order.
  For more detail or to contact your local contact centre go to http://www.naccc.org.uk/cms2/index.php

Note: Supervised and supported contact centres have their own staff and volunteers. This section is intended as background information for other practitioners working with parents who may be attending such sessions, with the emphasis on the separation aspects of the situation rather than predominately safeguarding issues.

The National Association of Child Contact Centres website gives the following information:

The difference between ‘supported’ and ‘supervised’ contact:
Supported Contact:

• Supported Child Contact Centres are suitable for families when no significant risk to the child or those around the child has been identified.
• Supported Child Contact Centres do not make verbal or written reports about visits, apart from the dates and times of attendance. The only exception to this is if we believe that a child is at risk, or if a member of staff, volunteer or Centre user is at risk of harm.

Supervised Contact:

• A Supervised Child Contact Centre should be used when it has been determined that a child has suffered or is at risk of suffering harm during contact.
• Supervised Child Contact Centres do make reports on contact.

Note:
Different contact sessions might also be arranged in various other ways by Cafcass officers or Social Care workers, in which case settings and structure may vary.

Children’s Centres are increasingly being used for this, providing a good opportunity for staff from the arranging agency and the Children’s Centre to work together in meeting the varied needs of each parent, and if appropriate, the children. Information may need to be shared, following protocols and safeguarding guidance.

Separated parents attending formal contact sessions may experience:

• Feeling nervous beforehand, being unsure what to expect
• Feeling judged and on the defensive
• Frustration or anger at having to pass a test to see their child, especially if a false accusation has been made by the other parent in order to obstruct, delay or reduce contact with children as part of ongoing conflict
• Feeling inhibited at trying to be natural with their child while being observed
• Worried about failing and not being able to see their child in the future

Some ideas for before and during a period of contact sessions:

• Explain the purpose and nature of contact sessions if they aren’t sure.
• Emphasise the importance of attending on time and following the rules of conduct of the contact – it is the way through to seeing their child again
• Help the parent think of ways of making the contact as meaningful, enjoyable and natural as possible, hard though that may be: 
  - If they haven’t seen their children for a while their emotions will run high – how will they manage this? 
  - What could they remind themselves of in order to keep calm and relaxed for their children?
  - What do they think each child needs from them at the session? (Playing at their level, talking, asking questions, listening, lots of eye contact, praise, take a book to read them? and so on…)
  - Don’t expect too much from the child - it is hard for them too, especially if there has been a break in contact.
• If the parent is feeling unmotivated or pessimistic about the likely outcome, point out that many people are successful, and are able to see their children more freely later. What do they think they need to do to be one of those people?
• The difference it will make to the child (even if the child can’t show it at this point)
• If you see the parent after a session, help them think through how it went and why – what went well, and how could it be better for the child next time?

If the period of contact sessions is successful
If there are still some concerns, or if the mother or father is lacking confidence, a transitional arrangement may be preferable – for example contact that is informal and unsupervised in a supportive group setting like a Children’s Centre, rather than the parent suddenly being left to cope completely on their own. Setting staff can be engaged with to provide discreet support if needed. Later, age/stage appropriate child-friendly ideas for contact activities in the community may help.

Parents who have had to go through contact sessions because of false allegations are likely to want to exercise contact independently as soon as possible, though they may also need to negotiate transitional arrangements in order to reassure or placate the other parent. Arranged handovers in which the parents don’t have to meet may help the child avoid conflict initially.

If the contact sessions are unsuccessful

• The father or mother may need help dealing with their grief or anger, which should be fully acknowledged.
• If allowed, they may be able to use indirect contact (e.g. emails or phone calls) in order to maintain their relationship with their children, and you may be able to make this good quality and child-centred
• Can you help them see the factors that brought them to this point? Help them explore ways of separating out and resolving those issues – although they may feel they have tried everything
• If their complex issues have been a factor, make sure that they are aware of help available, and explore longer-term possibilities for rebuilding the relationship, provided this has not been irrevocably ruled out.
• On occasions where the parent feels that contact sessions have failed because the resident parent has successfully alienated the child from the non-resident parent without good reason, it can be especially hard, and a long-term view, possibly into the child’s adulthood may help if sensitively handled. Grief counselling may be needed.
• Signpost mothers and fathers to legal help or specialist support where needed.
• Is there a way that you can help them find a realistic way forward for them, rather than it seeming like a dead end?

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Small or large, every gift we receive in a Will makes a vital contribution to our work. But how do you go about arranging it?

Here's a quick summary on what to do:

1) The first step is to talk to a solicitor or professional advisor
If you don't already have a Will, a solicitor will be able to draft one for you. This is usually inexpensive and vital if you want to make sure that everything is done correctly. By having a proper Will in place you can be sure your wishes will get carried out – from providing for your loved ones through to leaving a gift to your favourite charity. Even if you already have one, it's easy to arrange for your gift to be added by using what's known as a 'codicil'.

2) Thinking about what you're going to leave
You can discuss this when you meet with your solicitor. However, it's well worth thinking about it beforehand. What you'll need to consider are the things you own e.g. your property, possessions and investments and the things you owe e.g. your mortgage, loans etc. That way you'll have a clear idea about how much you have and who you'd like to leave it to.

3) Making your gift to FNF?
Once you've made provision for your loved ones, you can then look at how you'd like to make your gift. You can either leave a specific amount of money, which is known as a Pecuniary Bequest or a share of what's left over after all your wishes have been carried out, which is a Residuary Bequest.  Rather than leaving a precise sum of money, many choose to leave a percentage or the residue of their estate as it means that its value will not be affected by inflation. 

Most people make a gift in one of the ways shown below:

A straightforward gift to where the need is greatest. This is how the majority of our members choose to remember FNF - Because both parents matter. It’s straightforward because your gift is treated as ‘general funds’ and used wherever the need is greatest at the time. For example, we might use it for everything from improving our on-line services to developing a new parenting or LIP course.

4) Make sure your legacy is worded correctly
In any Will, it's essential that the wording is legally sound and that there's no chance that it might be misconstrued. That's where your solicitor will prove invaluable. To help, we've included a sample wording which may help you although we recommend taking legal advice whenever you make or change your will.

"I bequeath to Families Need Fathers Ltd (‘FNF’) of Unit 501, The Pill Box Building, 115 Coventry Road, London, E2 6GG, registered charity number 276899, the sum of £_______ (for a pecuniary bequest), or: the residue of my estate (for a residuary bequest) to be used by FNF at its discretion. "

5) It's all in the execution
Your executors are the people who will be in charge of making sure your wishes are carried out. It’s worth thinking carefully about who you appoint as your executors. They can be friends or family, or professionals like a solicitor. In certain instances we can also perform the role for you e.g. if you’re thinking about making FNF a major beneficiary. However, it does place an extra administrative burden on our resources and we prefer to concentrate on looking after the places and spaces you care about.

6) We’d like to thank you
Leaving a gift in your Will is a very personal gesture and we appreciate that some people prefer to keep these things private. However, we’d really like to thank you for your kindness and show you what you’ll be helping us to achieve.  So please, do get in touch with our friendly team on 0300 0300 110

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When a relationship ends a lot of decisions need to be made, particularly when you have children. This can be very difficult, particularly if, like many separating couples, you find it difficult to communicate with each other.

This is where parenting plans can help. These are agreements that you can make privately that help you plan things like how you will care for your child together. They are flexible, and not legally binding.

Online parenting plans can be helpful as it enables you to start making these arrangements together, giving you something to build on. If you are finding communication with your former partner difficult, an online plan can be a good way of starting this process.

The Splitting up? Put Kids First parenting plan has been developed by the charity One Plus One. It is a free online parenting plan that can help you to start making arrangements, whilst also providing tools to help you improve communication with your child's other parent. Families Need Fathers are supporting the promotion of this tool to encourage more parents where possible to work together and communicate better.

Whether you are just separating or have been separated for a while, you may find that building a Parenting Plan can help you.

To find out more about the parenting plan tool, just click here.

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FNF has Worked with Sir James Munby
Former President of the Family Division of the High Court

Our duty, as a social care charity, is to help separated families.  This is the aim of most of our publications and work. However, to do this alone would of course be like treating cases of cholera while the water supply remains polluted. It is what the individuals want and need, but unless the cause is treated, the problems remain.

So our other duty is to promote social and legal attitudes that will enable children to benefit from a full and empowering relationship with both their parents as well as their wider family.  We work with a number of key figures and agencies in order to improve the life of separated families.  Sir James Munby, President of the Family Division for England and Wales (PFD) is one of the most respected figures we deal with.

Sir James, in effect the head of the family court, and who sits regularly in the Court of Appeal, gave the plenary talk at our Annual Conference in 2014.  Since then we have continued to be involved in a working dialogue with Sir James.  As a result we believe that we see eye to eye with him on many issues - including the fact that major reforms are required to the Family Justice system.

Sir James has addressed two of our annual conferences so far and transcripts of these can be seen on our site:

FNF Annual Conference Nov 2014 - Speech transcript

FNF Annual Conference March 2017 - Speech transcript

In addition to our transcripts of Sir James's words, we are collecting quotations he has made in other places such as in judgements, etc. They highlight how justice should be done and be seen to be done. Unfortunately for so many, this is not the case in practice.

The following are from Re C (A Child) (Suspension of Contact) [2011] EWCA Civ 521, [2011] 2 FLR 912, para 47, as follows:

Further Notes on Ongoing Meetings with the PFD (to be updated)

Judges are required to administer the Laws passed by Parliament. But those Laws concerning children are very vague, mainly saying that judges should do what is best for children. They are not tied down to anything specific. As a result of FNF lobbying a new Law has stated that children have the right to have both their parents involved in their lives unless there is a contrary reason. Most people were probably surprised that this was not the Law already. But it was not. But it is still hardly specific. Judges and magistrates can still do pretty well what they like, provided they feel it's right and they say it's for the best for the children.

Which makes how the Courts interpret the law the key issue. Of course it is not only the children one of whose parents have sought a legal ruling that are affected. While some parents make their own arrangements without any reference to legal decisions, many do so 'in the shadow of the Law', that is, knowing what Judges and magistrates will do if the parents fail to agree and have to go to court. And of course what 'The Law' says is a symbolic statement that states what 'Society' - or at least those that make the Law - think is acceptable. The fact that denying a child a relationship with both parents is now clearly labelled as wrong will, we hope, have the same effect as the Laws against sex or race discrimination. It will not solve the problem instantly or totally, but will signal those who continue with unacceptable behaviour that they are out of order.

The boss of the family courts becomes a key  figure,  for he (or she when is was Dame Butler-Sloss) has key, but limited authority. He decides the top level of appeals. Now decisions made by lower courts are supposed to apply the principles set by the higher courts. In theory therefore, the decisions he and his colleagues make should direct those made by others. It does not work quite like that, for two reasons.

First, the barriers to making an appeal - making a higher authority review whether a decision made by a lower one is correct - are so high, in cost, trouble, stress and delay - that lots of bad decisions don't get challenged. The second is that the law is so flexible (to allow judges and magistrates to fit their decisions on very varied circumstances) that it is hard to say whether a 'precedent' has been broken.

But there is some influence all the same.

The President can also say how issues should be handled. While these are called 'directions', there is actually no effective way of policing them. So the better judges and courts will  observe them,  but many simply carry on as before, particularly if they believe what they do is 'right'.

One thinks of the remark of former United States President Truman on handing over power to his successor, Field Marshall Eisenhower. 'Poor Ike, it will not be like the army at all. He will say, 'do this, do that' and nothing will happen. I sit here trying to persuade people....'

Our first meeting with 'The President' was a success. He listened to us courteously and attentively. The issue we took to him was the frequent ineffectiveness of contact or child arrangements (as they are now called thanks to the new Law) court orders. So often courts say 'this will happen', and nothing does. The parent who is trying to get the best for his or her child has to hurl themselves constantly against more and more barriers, and while most make some progress,  some fail. The paper we put to him - written for us by Michael Robinson of The Custody Minefield - and warm thanks to him - is available below. Sir James promised to read it and to respond to the suggestions in it. The second meeting is in February (2016) at which we trust he will give his reaction.

We will then look at the next issue, which is the division of parenting time between the parents and on how litigants in person (LIPs) can be supported. This paper will also be published on our website. It promotes the idea that those making parenting arrangements for children should have a set of tests in mind which will promote the best for the children by ensuring the full involvement of both parents. 

Getting shared parenting, like ending sex or race discrimination,  will be slow work. But over time we can look forward to more progress.

January 2016

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