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CHRISTMAS SURVIVAL GUIDE

Christmas is a very special time for children and if, as a divorced or separated parent, you are denied that opportunity or it’s simply not your turn, it can be the loneliest time of the year. Even when there are clear guidelines in a court order and an expectation of shared care, Christmas arrangements are always difficult. One solution is to have two Christmases, two family gatherings and two sets of pressies. The kids love it, the grandparents love it and there is less tension between parents. We will be publishing our survival guide separately to share, but these are the key points:

1. Remember to put the kids first. Even though you are missing them do not put your distress ahead of their enjoyment. Encourage them to look forward to the next time they are with you.

2. Try and negotiate with your former partner at least a phone call with your children on Christmas Day so they know you are thinking about them and sharing their excitement.

3. Try and agree with your former partner that it is fair for the children to have Christmas Day with each of you on alternate years or just give them another Christmas on another date. They will love it.

4. If you do have them this year do not go overboard on arrangements. Think ahead. What will they enjoy rather than what is expensive. It is time together that counts in the long run.

5. Do not compete on presents with your former partner. Overspending will create friction especially if money is short for both of you. When you have limited time with your children it is often tempting to try and compensate by extravagant gestures. Don’t. Good cheer now will pay off in the New Year.

6. Keep in mind that your children will remember the time they have with you. Don’t worry that they don’t give you a second thought when they’re not with you. That’s what kids are like.

7. If you don’t have any contact with your kids at all, sit down and write them an upbeat letter. Even if you never send it’ll be your time with them this year.

8. Don’t let yourself get miserable or lonely at home. Make sure you see friends or think about volunteering with some of the organisations that look after others at Christmas.

 

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26 November 2023

THE FATHERS AND FAMILY BREAKDOWN, SEPARATION AND DIVORCE PROJECT

Link to the project can be found here.

 

Launched by Prof Ben Hine at the University of West London on 19 October - Professor Ben Hines Lost Dads Project: Download the full report here.

 

A start, we surely hope, to an attempt to complement the vast existing volume of research by looking at the effect on men, and especially fathers.  Suicide and ‘suicide ideation’ (considering it) are tragically common responses to family breakdown and its frequent consequence, the end of meaningful relationships between children and their fathers. 

 

 ….’We need to act not only to support already separated fathers, but to change and reshape attitudes that produce such experiences... We need urgently to appreciate the value that fathers have on the lives of children….’ 

 

Thank you, Ben, for this, and for breaking the taboo on looking at the other side of the argument. May others follow the lead. 

 

To all of us, read it and promote it.  

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26 November 2023

GOVERNMENT PROPOSE PLAN TO PREVENT PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY TO THOSE JAILED FOR KILLING THEIR PARTNER.

Alex Chalk, the Justice Secretary, announced at the Conservative Party conference this addition to the Victims and Prisoners Bill, to be introduced to parliament later this year. The new law, called Jade’s Law, named after the case of Paul Ward convicted of killing Jade Ward at their home in 2021. The law currently allows all adults with parental responsibility to obtain school reports, progress reports and medical records, including those jailed for murder. The new law will remove PR from these parents.  The option for an aggrieved parent to remove PR already exists in the Children Act 1989. Our legitimate concern is whether this tragic and terrible case is the thin end of wedge, with the principle applied to allegations and non-criminal acts. We will be keeping a close eye. (LINK).

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29 October 2023

FNF ANNUAL CONFERENCE AND AGM – CEO REPORT

Despite some IT challenges thrown up on the day, I was very pleased with our recent annual conference and AGM in Manchester. One of our speakers, Dr Sue Whitcombe, who had already made the trip to Manchester and was due to speak on the benefits of both parents in a child’s life, unfortunately fell ill the night before and was unable to make it; we send her our best wishes. We were blessed though with our remaining speakers, Sir Andrew McFarlane, President of the Family Division, Sarah Parsons of CAFCASS and Prof Ben Hine of the University of West London. For many the Q+A with Sir Andrew and Ben was the highlight of the day. We expect to make Ben’s and Sarah’s presentations available to members in due course.

To read the full article, please click on the title. 

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26 November 2023
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WEB LINKS – THIS MONTH’S CHOICE OF INTERESTING ITEMS FROM THE WEB

Do You Actually Need A Father To Raise A Child? - Dr Anna Machin | Modern Wisdom 680 - YouTube (LINK)

Dr Anna Machin, evolutionary biologist from Oxford University discusses the role of fatherhood across time with Chris Williamson on the You Tube Chanel Modern Wisdom 680. 

 

Amicable's guide to talking to the school about your separation | Gingerbread (LINK).

Gingerbread, with their charity partner amicable, have produced a useful guide on how to talk to your children’s school about your separation. Katy Daly also blogs here (LINK) with Dr Ann Howard-Webkinz about the effects Separation on children. 

 

The Identification of Parental Alienation by Amy Baker

Dr Amy Baker leading academic describes the four-factor model for identifying Parental Alienation (LINK).

 

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29 October 2023

INTERNATIONAL MEN'S DAY PETITION

To mark International Men’s Day, please add your name to this petition calling for a ‘Minister for Men and Boys’. You can see more details here. 

Most of us who have struggled with Family Court are only too aware of the lack of support from government.

 

However, this is not the only area where men and boys are disadvantaged: 

Boys are underachieving in school

74% of suicides are male

85% of rough sleepers are male

 

The list goes on.

 

The role of the Minister for Men and Boys would be to take responsibility for getting these issues addressed.

 

Currently the petition has about 1000 signatures.  Parliamentary insiders suggest that we need about 5000 before MPs would take note.

 

When you’ve signed it yourself, please forward it to as many as you think would sign.  Often it’s mothers-of-sons who are most concerned.

 

 

 

  

 

 

Sam Morfey.

Chief Executive Officer.

 

Email: sam.morfey@fnf.org.uk  

Phone: 020 4586 4651 | 0300 030 0110 

 

 

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19 November 2023

More Articles ...

  1. NOTABLE QUOTES
  2. NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD - JAPAN PONDERS SHARED CARE, AS AUSTRALIANS WELCOME THE CHANGES
  3. NEW RESEARCH SHOWS FATHER’S INVOLVEMENT WHEN CHILDREN ARE YOUNG GIVES THEM A SIGNIFICANT ADVANTAGE.
  4. GOOD NEWS FROM OUR BRANCHES
  5. CEO UPDATE
  6. ANNUAL CONFERENCE AND AGM 2023
  7. 2023 AGM & Conference GDPR T&Cs
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